


Recurring Nightmares

by Archeste



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Dark, F/M, New Game Plus, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 03:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21220040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archeste/pseuds/Archeste
Summary: I know I’m not that smart. I know I’ve got a temper, and I talk too much and too loud. I’ve seen the looks Ann and the others give me when I do something stupid that gets us in the shit. You think I don’t hate that?Here’s the thing. I’m not that dumb. I knew what was going to happen when Makoto recorded us, when I called Ren when he was in with her in the office.I did it on purpose.I did it because I’ve done it before.I did it because If I didn’t I know what would happen.





	Recurring Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Take on what a repeated New game plus loop would look like to the characters. Bit of a horror story for Halloween ;)  
Written from Ryuji's point of view.  
Gets a bit dark in there, you've been warned.
> 
> Just assume rampant spoilers.
> 
> Updated now I'm fully clear of my cold to correct dates. Not sure how I missed that :)

My name is Ryuji Sakamoto, and I’m a Phantom Thief.

Probably not the best thing to write down, come to think of it.

Screw it, not like it matters.

I know I’m not that smart. I know I’ve got a temper, and I talk too much and too loud. I’ve seen the looks Ann and the others give me when I do something stupid that gets us in the shit. You think I don’t hate that?

Here’s the thing. I’m not that dumb. I knew what was going to happen when Makoto recorded us, when I called Ren when he was in with her in the office.

I did it on purpose.

**I did it because I’ve done it before.**

I did it because If I didn’t I know what would happen. I know that Ren without Makoto scares the shit out of me. She keeps him in check.

I know that.

Because he tried it before. He tried to leave her behind, tried to keep her out of it.

She hated him for it.

And Kaneshiro still got her.

And Ren without her isn’t safe to be around.

* * *

You ready to hear something weird?

You ever seen that movie, Groundhog Day?

Yeah, Imagine like that but a year. Well not a full year, yet.

We haven't made it to a year.

We make it until something goes wrong.

Until someone dies.

Until we fail to get through a palace.

And then it’s his first day in Tokyo again and it all starts over.

I figured it’s because of what we’re fighting. Yado-whatsit. The god of control. I’m not sure if it’s doing it to Ren to punish him, or something else is giving him a second chance.

Third Chance.

Fifth Chance.

Fiftieth…

I’ve lost count now.

* * *

The memories fade a bit over time, but some moments stick, and you can’t shake them off.

It’s great fun watching a friend walk up the stairs to the roof knowing she’s going to take the short way back down.

Knowing if you try and stop her it you’ll wake up and it will be a week ago.

And you'll have to face the whole thing again.

If this is the good option, I never want to see the bad one.

* * *

I’ve tried asking the others if they remember anything. I think they do. I can see the fear in their eyes. That and our team ain’t exactly good liars. Don’t want to push them too much, in case it causes problems.

Causes a reset.

But it’s getting to them, even if they don’t fully remember.

I’ve seen that painting Yusuke will do in October.

I’ve seen Ann’s face when she goes home that day and leaves Shiho at school.

I saw Haru crying on the roof just before the school trip.

I’ve seen Futaba curled in her chair, typing and erasing the same message over and over and over.

I’ve seen Makoto’s face when Ren isn’t looking.

The Cat doesn’t like talking to me at the best of times, I think it’s because he knows I know.

Not sure about the Dick detective. Don’t give a fuck.

Bit worried about the folks that Ren hangs around, as well. Don’t think they remember quite as much as we do. But the doctor near Leblanc definitely knows something is up, I mentioned Christmas when I was in there the other day and she dropped a jar and looked like she’d seen a ghost.

I could try asking Ren about it.

I’ve only done that a hundred times.

It’s like hitting a reset button. I walk up to him, say “Hey…” and suddenly it’s welcome to April.

Have a good weekend, because you’re going to be real late to school Monday.

* * *

We almost did it last time, too. Almost won.

The loops are still taking the same time, but they’re getting shorter. We’re taking detours, we’re knocking out palaces in one or two runs, rather than weeks.

He’s learning the shortcuts. He’s ready for the bosses when they pull their shit.

He’s never let anyone go down.

We’ve spent less on medicine and weapons as well. Just big upgrades, and weird choices that become clear when they pull our asses out of a fire.

I saw his calendar once, over his shoulder.

He’s got phone calls and visits scheduled for months. He’s running from a plan now.

A plan he pulls from memory. Every. Single. Time.

Joker’s personas are stronger as well. He seems to make weird choices with some of them, but they always do just what he needs. Just when he needs it. Good thing, he seems to like spending time in that velvet room way less that he used to as well. He always comes back fuming. Like whoever’s in there is almost to the end of his fuse.

Ren bitch slapped Aketchi in like 3 rounds this time. I saw his eyes when he shot the control for the door.

He looked so tired.

I think he knows as well.

We tore Shido to pieces. Asshole didn’t know what hit him. Almost worth it for the look on his face.

The girls still kicked the shit out of me after the palace. I mean, they could TRY not hitting that hard for once! That run hurts enough as it is. It’s not like they don’t know I’m going to make it.

I always do. I know what would happen if I didn't.

Then, it’s Christmas Eve and there we are. Facing down a god that thought he knew best.

Smug asshole.

It was tough, he kept bringing out these weapons that made us go nuts, and Ren kept snapping them off like they were twigs.

But it was Ren that looked scared.

It’s weird, I hate it when he looks scared. It means he’s not sure of his plan but at the same time, that means we’ve got a chance to make it to January.

Then the damn thing fired off that one big shot, it should have knocked everyone down.

It didn’t.

Makoto took the hit for Ren.

Dunno what she was thinking. Not sure if she was. Miss Prez has always had it bad for Joker. I’m not sure even she knew how bad.

So instead of all of us being down this time. Ren is still standing.

And Makoto is dead.

She went straight off the platform and disappeared into the clouds.

There was always a chance, we all knew that but it’s different knowing and seeing her fall.

I look around with my ears ringing from the hit.

Ann is crying

Yusuke is punching the ground.

Futaba is calling her name and scanning for her but I can see the tears forming.

Haru is shaking

Morgana is frozen solid.

The grail laughs.

And Ren...

Ren is just standing there.

But then joker turned away from the edge.

Asshole stopped laughing then.

I don’t know who’s standing there now.

But it ain’t Ren.

And the persona he called, it weren’t Arsene.

Not sure it was even a persona. It was the size of a building.

And it jumped at the god screaming and tore it apart with its TEETH.

Going to remember the sounds of that for a while.

So, the boss is dead, first time I remember that happening and it’s definitely dead, too.

Live things aren’t in that many pieces.

But the persona hasn’t stopped howling and it’s still tearing into what’s left.

But then I realise it wasn’t the persona howling.

It was Ren.

Then I woke up.

And it was April.

* * *

That was when I figured it out.

This whole thing isn’t the god punishing him, or something giving him another chance.

It’s Ren punishing himself.

He’s refusing to lose ANYONE. He’s trying to protect us all.

I don’t think he knows we remember.

But he sure as hell does and if we don’t get this done soon, that howling demon is going to be all that is left, and it is going to go straight for the god day one even if it has to tear a hole in the world to do it.

With its teeth.

See, this is why I’m worried. He’s refusing to let anything to happen to us but I’ve seen the shit that’s happened to him, and he don’t reset on that. I’m scared we’re going to come through that last fight without him, and he’ll refuse to go back.

I think that’s the reason Queen took the hit for him. She was afraid he’d take the boss down and vanish with it.

Don’t tell her this, but he’s a lucky guy. I’d love a girl to look at me like she looks at him. 

If there is a god that doesn’t fucking hate us out there she won’t remember the screaming.

* * *

Not sure why I bother writing this down every time. It not like it’s going to help. But I kind of hope it will let me get it out of my head for a while.

I was planning on giving it to Ren once we won. Letting him read it then punching him in the damn face for trying to do this alone.

Problem is, I’m too scared to.

Because I know there’s a chance I will give him the book, he’d turn the first page.

And I’d wake up, and it will be April again and he’d try to protect us from remembering this shit as well.

Anyway, that’s it. That’s the story.

Got to get going now.

I’m going to be late for school.

**Author's Note:**

> Had to get that one out of my head. Written in about 3 hours. Sorry for any roughness.  
Going to need some fluff to scrub that out.


End file.
